I’m starting to think I should seriously revise my “forgive all and forget all” attitude.
It’s turning me into a complete doormat. Here I am, sat doing college-level homework in a field I don’t do over MSN for an ex (who’s an ex after an awful lot of dicking around with my emotions prior to the actual dumping) who’s currently off smoking a joint. I won’t mention the pictures vs. facebook fiasco or the times he came over twisted off his face wanting sex then skipped off merrily in the morning without so much as a kiss goodbye or even bothering to contact me at all while sober. Now, I’m not one to get thick over casual sex. I was a willing participant. But it’s still a bit dickish, and makes it fairly damn evident that he doesn’t give two shits about how I feel about the whole thing.
And you know what, fuck him for taking me for granted anyway. I’m an amazing girl. I’m laid back, low-maintenance, I don’t do drama or head games. I smoke weed and enjoy a pint or two. I play good videogames, I watch good movies, I listen to good music. I’m smart, I’m decent looking, I can cook when I want to, I’m easy as hell to get on with, very little scares me, nothing puts me off. I take good care of whoever I’m with, I’m compassionate and do everything I can for anyone, nevermind just my partner. And above all else, I’m honest. I don’t care if I sound egotistical; what I said is the truth.
I’m one of those girls who’s pretty hard to come by. If he doesn’t realize that, then I guess I’ll have to find someone else who will.
But I still miss him. I hate that.
How do I train myself to not be a doormat? And how do I do that without burning bridges?
You miss him because of simple biology.
You’re honest, you say.
Use that honesty with more than just your journal but with your partners and friends as well.
xoxo
It’s simple biology, that you miss him.
Honesty is key here. Not just with your journal but with everyone.
xoxo
Yo just stumbled across this from boards.
I can somewhat relate in a way and there is the fear of burning bridges, but you feel like you don’t want to go there as you think you cannot turn back.
I’ve had very similar experiences with an ex friend of mine where I somewhat became the doormat hoping that all will end well, but it didn’t. There is many times when I wanted to tell her to fuck off, but thats just not within my nature and I’m just the nice person above it all.
We have had out shitty arguments and left it at that, but still there is that doormat feeling that you would still never see them stuck.
At times you just have to step outside yourself and see what you are doing. There is no point directing all the effort into somebody that wont be thankful for it and you are not there to be walked all over when it suits somebody.
I know its hard and all, but you just gotta be around for them less.
You do sound genuine in what you have said and indeed you are hard to come by. Anyone whom has had the joy of being your other half should have seen that. Better off to think of it as their loss and move on to somebody else more deserving.
Things to remember!
Look outside yourself
Ask yourself why you are being a doormat – what have you to gain?
I hope all works out well for you ;)
Den