Jaysus it’s been awhile since I updated this thing.

Not much has changed in the last couple weeks but I’ve made some inward changes about my approach to people. I’ve started cutting out all the people in my life who bring me down and who I can’t reconcile with and who can’t understand that friendship is a two way street. I’ve cut out the people who expect me to be there for them and help them and be their shoulder to cry on but who refuse to do the same for me. Fair weather friends is the term, I suppose, and I feel all the better for it. Cut out the users, and you’re left with the real ones.

The only two people I’m not happy about having to cut out are probably Rob and Graham, but I guess it had to be done. I love Rob. I seriously, honestly do, and I don’t think I’m going to feel that way about anyone else. But.. he has no backbone and no confidence and he’s just going to be stuck where he is for years until he gets some, and I can’t sit here and watch him rot away and waste himself in his parent’s house for the rest of his life and never standing up for himself or breaking away from them to find himself. It’s too heartbreaking. And I miss him terribly, but it’s just never going to happen, and I finally let myself realise that. As for Graham.. well, I’m just sick of being used as a psychiatrist, I guess, and then being cast aside when I have issues I need to talk about with someone. Also, getting blown off four days in a row with no explanation or bothering to just say “oh hey, can’t make it” is a great way to make me feel like a friend. Still, he was fairly sound when not being a douche so it sucks having cut out with someone you got along with in other ways, but what can you do. Everyone else though wasn’t worth having around in the first place.

As for other news, my mom will be in town on the 9th, and I can’t wait. Which, if anyone knows me, sounds really odd because my mother and I have always had a fickle relationship, but since I got to Ireland eight (or is it nine?) months ago, I’ve been completely on my own with no one I really know, and I just miss having someone who actually cares about me and knows me around, you know? Sick of fair weather friends and they’re in this country in abundance, but no matter how much me and my mother can get into it sometimes, we’ve always got each other at the end of the day. That’s how it’s always been– just me and her. And the dogs, but I don’t imagine they’d take well to a seven hour flight. Can’t wait to show her around. I wonder how long it’ll take her to decipher the accent, and how many times I’m going to have to correct her on pronouncing town names. God, I hope it’s not like Scotland all over again..

And last but not least, at the end of June I’ll be back to being homeless. Faaaaantastic! Hope the weather stays like this. I think I could deal with it if the weather stayed like this, it’s so beautiful and warm. Anyone wanna offer me a couch? Or even a floor.. I’m adaptable! :(

Anyway, time for me to go get cleaned up and go enjoy an absolutely stunning day.